Youth, a return

My time, it is here. Writing will always be the sweet release my soul yearns for. When I can’t find the words in my head, they pour forth onto this keyboard.

I must stop thinking with my head and start thinking with my heart. I cannot trust my head, it deceives me, it is the spring of all my doubt. My heart, my intuition, when I trust the ‘I just know,’ I will always find my way. When I feel that buzz in my chest, that burn in my stomach, I know that my being is telling me where to walk and it is forward to new places, to growth in my life. My head places me in incessant insanity, forever going in a circle, forever going nowhere.

Our childhood we hold strong intuition, creativity, the spark of a genius, this is a point where we know no bounds, our dreams are as wide as the Universe. Over time, this internal wellspring slowly dies as we allow the noise of the world, the constant bombardment of structure to be just about everything other than yourself overtake you; this is where you move from the heart to the head.

I lost my way as I entered my adolescence, the point in life where we’re told to grow up, to abandon all those unrealistic dreams, those dreams that I’m sure would have came true just by the unbridled passion of youth alone, which is one of the most powerful forces ever known to man. Maybe this is why it’s suppressed, we must be prepared for the box that the nature our society demands of us to fit in.

Adolescence, the point when our imagination is laid to rest, when pretending isn’t favorable amongst our peers, because now that we can reason, we are suggested to the reason of conforming. We are told to stop dreaming, that there is no link between our dreams and reality, settle into what society has prefabbed for you, you shall not fail there. Take this template, one of which your soul does not project, this is told by those who allowed their dreams to be cut short.

The only reason there is this divide between reality and our dreams is because we are told that there is. Now, 26, I intend to abolish that divide once more and return to the magic of my childhood that is brought forth by the intuition that we’re all born with. I must come to believe once more that my dreams are never too big, that they can become reality, that this all can happen as long as I trust what I feel in my heart of hearts, and remain fervent no matter how long my head – the noise of the world that has restricted me to a confine of what can be, tells me that I can’t.

I must follow my heart in the seemingly uncertain places that it tends to lead, it will never lead me farther than I can handle, it will never be a useless venture. If the heart yearns it, there is something to gain, it may not take you where you expected it to, it rarely does, but if you follow it you will go to places where few men have ever gone.

Youth, a return

Heart of the Soul

I am at a loss. At a loss with what to do with my life to make me feel like I a belong where I am. Am I not doing enough, or am I doing just what I need to do and it’s just the feeling of satisfaction I can’t achieve. I am going on 26 now and I feel like a plastic bag in the wind just like 8 years ago. When does it stop? Could it be that no matter what I do, if I just look around I see that everyone is just plastic bags in the wind? Maybe I’ve actualized to the fullest the song, “Dust in the Wind,” and I haven’t made peace with the fact there is no grandiose to life that I’d like to believe and in that I am in a constant state of disappointment. How discouraging is that? How null it makes it to realize this, maybe that’s why I refuse to settle.

Why do I feel that I need the grandiose to feel complete? Is this just American social conditioning at its finest? Grandiose is brought forth by notoriety which means we look to others’ acceptance of the way we live our lives in order to feel complete. We look for all the numbers, how many like us, how much money do we have, how young or old we are, and never at the quality of anything.

How do I recondition what’s been conditioned for so long in me? The ego says quantity over quality to attach things to itself to feel bigger, at this rate I will just continue to pick up the garbage of the external, the false representations of who I am. Quality is turning within with what is already there and realizing that you have everything you need already, to see all that’s shadowed by the ego that says, “it’s not enough, do this, make it better.” It’s the voices of all the noise, I must seek the stillness, where the heart of the soul abides.

Heart of the Soul

Disconnect

I am attempting to affirm what I already know by doing a journal entry via typing. I know that I’m a traditionalist, therein viewing that modern technology often proves to be a trap of our gifts as humans, dulling down our senses and intelligence by over use of this convenience, require us to use less mental energy to obtain the information that we are seeking. Consequently, less effort, simply put, in using our brains, is breaking the links in our neural pathways. Without the strengthening of these neural pathways, they become weaker and unable to provide the computational abilities that our brain once had prior to the plethora of modern conveniences that the technology of today provides. Despite all of this, as much as I hate to admit, typing provides me with a more elaborate expansion of thought, flow, and comprehension of the topic that I’m trying to convey, far beyond that of pen and paper. As well as a traditionalist, I am a hopeless romantic, it is so appealing, the thought of having your journal and going out on a nice sunny day to write in the thick of nature. How despicable is the thought of doing that with a laptop?

Like anything, too much of anything is a bad thing, it is all about moderation. I know that why I remain so adverse to technology because it continually appears to be a sort of addiction, people not being able to get their heads out of their television screens, phone screens, computers, etc. long enough to realize what is going on in the world around them, frequently putting themselves and others in danger, just look at how reckless someone who is talking on the phone or texting someone can become who is at the wheel of a vehicle. Not to mention that we are putting our safety at risk but the relationships with the people in our lives are beginning to tether at an ever expanding virtual world. I am 25 years old, the heart of the technological demographic and I can’t stand how my friends, even my partner become so consumed in their phone when they’re in the company of each other. You can’t stay connected long enough to reach a significant intimate level with another if you constantly have to put each other on pause to tend to another world.

I just hope we awaken at some point to see that sometimes, if not most of the time, we need to disconnect, get back to reality, live the fullness of life that the thousands of miles and unending dimensions that this world can offer, not confine ourselves to little boxes.

Peace to All

Thank You

Disconnect